To fight or not to fight

I feel alone on the battlefield. If I look behind me I can see that my home trench is so far away there can be no turning back. When I look ahead I see my opposition, ready and waiting. Am I a warrior? I stand with a combination of old and new armor – some areas are thick and others thin. At each connection my flesh shows bare. I have no shield; my defense technique often proves itself lacking polish and precision. I feel paralyzed. I have never been to war.

There was a time, long before now, that I considered myself a fighter, tough, able to remain composed in the face of uncertainty. Today, today I am a little girl who recognizes her small stature and her lack of confidence. It is the same little girl who questions what one should fight for. Principle or relation?

I wonder if there might be a chance for some kind of a truce, before the battle even begins. I’ve watched other wars begin, and end. I’ve seen their devastating effects and wonder how such an outcome could ever be avoided?

Researchers have yet to identify the single event that marked the beginning of the unrest. I myself have pondered at length the many stories in history that have played a part in the dilemma that remains today.

Our mouths are our weapons. Our rhetoric, our ammunition. We protect ourselves with armor made of knowledge, conviction, and truth. Our shields ward off emotional biases and faulty interpretations.

I’m alone. What exactly am I fighting for, or is it fighting against? I am sure of only one thing: I am opposed, if even ever so slightly, from every side. I have found myself straying from every camp. I am free of associations and could possibly only be claimed by the ground occupied by my feet at this very moment.

While I haven’t been trained for such an experience, I have decided that I can’t spend the rest of my life making exceptions or giving excuses. No man’s land is no place to call home and it is certainly not a place to find peace and solace.

So I’ll go forward, knowing full well that I will be pierced where my skin shows bare and that going to war means risking life.