I so desperately desire peace in my life, and more than that, reconciliation.
I'll take the blame, I'll bear the burden, I'll even cry someone else's tears - all in an attempt to make it better. It's been a life long pattern of mine, from childhood to now. I've been THAT kid.
Well, in all aspects of life, I'm learning that I can't always make it better. More than that, sometimes trying to help can actually make things more difficult for others.
It's eye-opening, I'd say. Because the minute you relinquish such control, you find that you have no reason to form thoughts out of, and no understanding to use as a means to move forward. It seems that I found that it was easier to deal with issues when they were my fault. I could search myself, see the flaws, challenge them and move forward. It just isn't the same if you're not the one holding the cards (even if it's merely THINKING you hold the cards).
Moral of the story: I can't make it better, especially when that's what I'm after.
