"I'm dreaming of home"

I cannot say that I am an anti-war fanatic by any means and while there are days when I would like to sit on the street corner with my own sign, it probably wouldn't say "END WAR NOW," or "WAR IS NOT THE ANSWER". Maybe I say that because throughout history, not every war has been void of reason. We fight for life, we fight to save, we fight to stem the tides of evil in this world.

A few weeks ago I watched a film titled "Joyeux Noel". Written and produced in France, it won an Oscar in 2005 for Best foreign Film. And aside from it's award, it has won a portion of my mind over the last 20 some odd days.

In a war that killed more than 40 million people (soldiers and civilians), whose outstretching effects presented such intricate and delicate issues few can articulate – the film remembers a day when those fighting and killing one another decided to see a human being, not just an enemy to be rid of.

I remember my world history teacher in High School explaining that WWI began with the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria. European countries found themselves on the side of the Austria-Hungary Empire (The Central Powers) or the Entente Powers that included France, and the UK among many others. And so thousands of soldiers found themselves in the trenches stretching hundreds of miles waiting for their superior to order an attack. More than how the war started, I remember the discussion of trench warfare itself. I sat on the far right of the room, second chair from the front. I may have only been 15 years old at the time, but I couldn’t help but consider how on earth someone could justify this type of fighting. Most casualties wins. I remember feeling irritated with history sitting at my desk in class.

As sure as time passes we have and will continue to see a progression in the way we fight. We fight ‘smart’ today. Looking back now to 1914 we could argue that we fought devastatingly stupid during the First World War. My feelings at age 15 weren't terribly off, and sometimes considering my own naiveté seems a bit refreshing. I needed just a little perspective.

Long story short, we see these soldiers turn into men - men who have wives and children, mothers who miss them and newborn babies who had never seen their fathers. There is a sense of a disappearing of the lines that divided the nations on that Christmas Eve. Fighting ceased, carols were sung and Mass is performed in No Mans Land by a Catholic Priest who was serving as a medic.

While the characters and stories will move you, the music will keep you coming back and the profound and factual story will change, at least in a small way, how you look at war. Beyond war, it will change how we see those enemies in our own life. We are each impressed upon by different ideologies, each presented with different sides of a story that make up the grounds upon which we argue or fight. When conflicts arise between two or more persons, there seems to be a switch in how one views the other. Offenders are made into monsters or villains and in our own minuscule minds are deserving of hatred and retaliation. I wonder what would happen if we could see those who offend us as human beings, rather than a uniform, a monster etc. We are all men, created by Almighty God. And much like WWI, there were clear differences, and to most, good reason to fight, but for one night it changed when they were reminded of their shared humanity. Let’s let our No Man’s Land be a place to remember each others humanity, not a place to kill.

Oh, and do yourself a favor and watch the movie.

Thank you, Sir Isaac Newton

I think it is good to go back and read things that we've (I've) written in the past. And while the following was in the recent past, and even seems to me a little strange and confusing, it still stirs up new thoughts. Dear reader: pardon it's occasional gaps in reasoning. Forgive me and my mind of it's greater ability to intake information rather than more effectively sorting what is already there.

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I was sitting at a stoplight returning from my short daily adventure that most of us call a lunch break. To my left was a marquee with a long list of 12 films enjoying their few weeks in the spotlight before something with better graphics, or an even more dramatic love story comes along to take it’s place. To my right there was a family of four enjoying the afternoon California sun and the rare chilly breeze that comes once in a blue moon here in Orange County. The young girl caught my eye. She walked further ahead than her father, mother, and brother and couldn’t have been older than 7. She was wearing a cream colored long-sleeved t-shirt underneath a furry vest and tights. Over the tights was a floral print skirt that seemed to enjoy the wind more than the brown curls that framed her young face.

I must have sat through two lights because it seemed as if I had all the time in the world to consider this little girl. She seemed to be mesmerized by the way that her skirt bounced off of her knee with every step she took. She began to exaggerate each step just to see what the skirt would do. I imagine her posing a question that you’d find in a modern children’s book that attempts to teach a child the basics of physics when a sweet young girl, such as my new little friend, asks why her skirt seems to react to the force of her little knee.

Sir Isaac Newton’s third law of motion explains that with every action, an equal and opposite reaction is sure to follow. Understanding this principle we can assume that without action, there can be no reaction for the initial action must always occur first.

It seems strange to me, being the non-science/mathematical brain that I am, that I would use a chief principle of physics and groundbreaking science in the 17th century to describe the state of life that I am in currently, and more likely this life as a whole. Thank you Isaac Newton for pointing out to us that with every action, a reaction is inevitable.

I went for a drive last night. It seemed much darker than normal in the ever-busy and crowded area where I live; there wasn’t a single set of headlights in my rear view mirror and all I saw was the night sky up ahead. After arriving at my destination I put my car in park, zipped up my coat and headed out in the misty darkness. As I stood looking out over the thousands and thousands of little lights off in the distance, I could not help but consider my small stature atop this large hill.

I considered the long harbored issues and bitter reactions within families. I heard the complaints of a young woman who resigned herself to mediocrity and unhappiness. I saw the tears rolling off of a mature cheek of one experiencing the grief of losing a loved one after the line was drawn. I felt my own fear of inadequacy – in a career, in my studies, and most evidently in relationships. There is something about having a mind full of thoughts that seems to send the reactions of my senses in the other direction. I must have been cold, and yet I felt nothing. I thought of the sonogram that I wake up to every morning that tells in me in 6 ½ months I will be an Aunt and another life will breathe it’s first breath.

Newton meant what he said about every action is followed by a reaction. I’ve seen it – in the good as much as in the bad. Perhaps it is the previously explained experiences and many others that have taught me to hold my tongue in most situations. I think the real issue is when to say what must be said, understanding that the reactions may not always grant me the result that I had hoped for.

As with most of my trains of thought, I end up back where it began - to that little girl on the sidewalk testing the reaction of her little skirt. Oh I wished that was the only thing that consumed my momentary thought! From that childish wish my mind could only resonate with one thing: I must hold fast to the promise that all created things will sing praises unto the God and Creator of all. I will trust that my prayers are heard and answered by the One who holds every inch of my small life in the palm of His hand. He has my best interest at heart and can ultimately do no more than He already has - given the life of His son so that the flawless Love of God would bridge the great chasm between man and Himself. My realization of the imperfect love in relationships, and my own inadequacies only point to a longing for eternity in the presence of God, and the hope of the continued transformation until the day that He returns.

As far as blogging goes...

I fail at consistency. For a time I have found myself in a season of life like none other that I have traveled through. I'm creating new paths to corners of my mind that I never knew existed.

While I have began countless number of blogs, there have been none I've been sure enough of to post. Sometimes we must write to be rid of and not necessarily to share with this wonderful cyber world - or so at least that is the conclusion I have come to.

One thing I know: I am more human today than I was yesterday. Never have I felt pain in such a profound way, and never have I been able to love as honestly as I can today. And while none of these things come naturally, and each continues to cost much energy, thought and even some tears, there is nothing more humbling, and nothing more freeing that to intensely understand my humanity in it's fallen state. Amidst every hole, every hurt and every broken or suffering relationship, is the ever-present Grace of an all-holy and ever-present God.

"Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit: now and ever unto ages of ages. Amen."