Death

Death has troubled me in the past couple of days in different way than before. I've felt indescribably angry at those whose thoughtless wrongdoings have handed death to another. I think, "Why couldn't they have waited just three seconds longer, why couldn't they have just not gotten in the car just this once?" I don't know what to do with such death. I cannot find a reason, and I love reason.

The moment my anger subsides, my knees go weak and all I can think is that I am that thoughtless drunk driver. With every sin, with every unwholesome word, thought, or deed, I crucify Christ again, and again. Daily, my sin hands death to another, death to my Savior.

As much as I struggle with death, ultimately, it is the only thing through which I find my source of life. Christ's death has given me life (Isaiah 53) and in turn I must die to myself, daily, hourly, always - to participate in the life and Salvation He brings.

O Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.



Psalm 51

51:1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your steadfast love;
according to your abundant mercy
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin!

3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you may be justified in your words
and blameless in your judgment.
5 Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
and in sin did my mother conceive me.
6 Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

7 Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
11 Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will return to you.
14 Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God,
O God of my salvation,
and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.

18 Do good to Zion in your good pleasure;
build up the walls of Jerusalem;
19 then will you delight in right sacrifices,
in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.