I have more to learn about life than I'd like to admit - am I the only one? More recently it's been about the conditions of love - if there are any. It seems I expect and except love in it's conditional form, and sit in bewilderment of love in it's unconditional form. I suppose the problem is understanding how someone (God or person) can look past my imperfections (selfishness and stubbornness amongst others) and want me the same.
It's a Chris Trapper music day at work - one of my favorites came on and it made perfect sense - better than I understood it years ago when the album came out:
'Cause all I need is to know your heart's
hung on your sleeve like mine
'Cause last glance romance
and desperate dances
left me out to dry
There will be a last time
For I'd do anything to prove my love
for you is not on stage
The dream where I live
will float where you live
and kiss you where you lay.
I'm not sure how well it goes with the previous statement, but to me, it makes perfect sense in my big mess of thoughts swirling in my head. It's about shared risk. It's about admitting the flaws and talking about those things you must overcome.
I threw myself a little pity party last night and realized this morning that even my mindset of me being the flawed one, me being the dejected one, is selfish. This idea of 'oh look at me and how imperfect I am, feel bad, comfort me,' nonsense can so easily become the step-sister of egotism. It seems we are at war with self, constantly. I will fail, and will fail again. And one day I'll get better at it.
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