I think I’m pretty predictable. Sometimes it’s good, and sometimes it’s bad.
Today, like I get from time to time, I am feeling pretty down on myself. It usually begins with feeling convicted about some issue in life, in a relationship, etc. and one thing leads to another and I end up feeling like a pretty horrible person who has done little with my life. Extreme? Perhaps.
It’s days like today that I remember what I was like constantly for so long. Always trying to be the best at everything, saying ‘no’ to nothing, and striving to be perfect above all else. I wish I could say that in my strivings it was to bring God glory, and to help others, except, most of the time it wasn’t. I did it so that I could live up to the expectations of others. Every night I went to sleep with a burden resting on my shoulders that could have weighed down the world.
Last Thursday my boyfriend left for a 6-week back packing trip through Europe. 11 Countries, 42 days. He’s with his best friend on a trip that they had been thinking about and planning for a year. I figured why not use his 6-week trip to make some deadlines for myself. I thought it would perhaps make time pass quickly and allow me to make headway on things I’ve wanted to do for quite some time now.
So, I sat down to make a list of those things and… there I was. While I kept convincing myself that I am ‘young’ and have so much time still to do things and become something, I realized more and more just how quickly all that time has gone out the window. My list is long, and my head sometimes feels like it is going to explode.
And now I remember what I had to learn many years ago – I can only tackle one thing at a time, and in doing so, I will actually accomplish goals that I set rather than staring at a long list, discouraged, wondering how I will ever ‘do it all’. Isn’t it true though, that the more we have to do, the more we think about how we can’t do it all, and then of course we do nothing. What a terrible rut to be in!
So in every attempt to stay far from the person I once was, I’m off to work on item number 1 – ace the mid term tomorrow.
Blogs on all of the others are sure to follow.
3 comments:
Wow, I never knew you had a blog. I was perusing your old posts, and you're a really good writer! Not that I find that surprising. : )
Oops, I didn't comment under my blogspot name before.
Thanks for the comment! =) I am always happy to find fellow bloggers out there.
I'm not one for advertising it, actually, so most people don't even know I have one - I think Buzz ruined the secret. Oh well.
You should put a 'follow' link on your page. I'll add you to my Google Reader.
Hope you're well!
Post a Comment