A little something about me

It's my week to answer a handful of questions about myself for my High School Staff Spotlight. 

It was a fun thing to think about, and so I thought I would share it with you. 

What would be something strange about you that people might be surprised by?

 When I was in High School I washed my feet on average 7 times a day. Yes, I even left class in the middle of a period to keep ‘em clean. I have since relaxed a bit and only wash them about 3 times a day.

If you could create a restaurant what would it be called and what style of food would it serve?

Name: Piazza Navona

Type: Italian Bistro

There would be equal amounts of indoor and outdoor patio seating. I would serve only traditional Italian food. Lunch and dinner served throughout the week and we’d be open for breakfast (cappuccinos, espresso, and pastries) on Saturday and Sunday. Only those who have a sincere love for a European dining experience would be fans of my restaurant – impersonal waiters, relaxed/classy dinning, and fabulous traditional foods. You won’t find BBQ chicken pizza or still water on my menu. I make one promise: You will feel like you visited and experienced La Citta Eterna before you pay the tab.

Tell us about a favorite childhood memory.

I spend most of my childhood in a two–story home in Chino Hills. Every Christmas we would help my dad put up Christmas lights and when we had finished we would watch the sun go down while we sat on the highest part of the roof. My mom would make hot chocolate and the four of us kids would sit in awe of how little we were and how big the world was.

What has been something your core group girls have taught you over the years?

I will admit that I could spend pages writing about all that I have learned from them.  I see how they love and welcome those around them, how they encourage one another, but something that really sticks out is how they think about God and His word.  It isn’t in a certain way that they think about Him, but that He is what they think about – I am convinced of this weekly as they come with more and more questions – going deeper than I am driven to go most of the time. They remind me how important it is that our thought life is to be consumed with Divine things. 

"I'm dreaming of home"

I cannot say that I am an anti-war fanatic by any means and while there are days when I would like to sit on the street corner with my own sign, it probably wouldn't say "END WAR NOW," or "WAR IS NOT THE ANSWER". Maybe I say that because throughout history, not every war has been void of reason. We fight for life, we fight to save, we fight to stem the tides of evil in this world.

A few weeks ago I watched a film titled "Joyeux Noel". Written and produced in France, it won an Oscar in 2005 for Best foreign Film. And aside from it's award, it has won a portion of my mind over the last 20 some odd days.

In a war that killed more than 40 million people (soldiers and civilians), whose outstretching effects presented such intricate and delicate issues few can articulate – the film remembers a day when those fighting and killing one another decided to see a human being, not just an enemy to be rid of.

I remember my world history teacher in High School explaining that WWI began with the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria. European countries found themselves on the side of the Austria-Hungary Empire (The Central Powers) or the Entente Powers that included France, and the UK among many others. And so thousands of soldiers found themselves in the trenches stretching hundreds of miles waiting for their superior to order an attack. More than how the war started, I remember the discussion of trench warfare itself. I sat on the far right of the room, second chair from the front. I may have only been 15 years old at the time, but I couldn’t help but consider how on earth someone could justify this type of fighting. Most casualties wins. I remember feeling irritated with history sitting at my desk in class.

As sure as time passes we have and will continue to see a progression in the way we fight. We fight ‘smart’ today. Looking back now to 1914 we could argue that we fought devastatingly stupid during the First World War. My feelings at age 15 weren't terribly off, and sometimes considering my own naiveté seems a bit refreshing. I needed just a little perspective.

Long story short, we see these soldiers turn into men - men who have wives and children, mothers who miss them and newborn babies who had never seen their fathers. There is a sense of a disappearing of the lines that divided the nations on that Christmas Eve. Fighting ceased, carols were sung and Mass is performed in No Mans Land by a Catholic Priest who was serving as a medic.

While the characters and stories will move you, the music will keep you coming back and the profound and factual story will change, at least in a small way, how you look at war. Beyond war, it will change how we see those enemies in our own life. We are each impressed upon by different ideologies, each presented with different sides of a story that make up the grounds upon which we argue or fight. When conflicts arise between two or more persons, there seems to be a switch in how one views the other. Offenders are made into monsters or villains and in our own minuscule minds are deserving of hatred and retaliation. I wonder what would happen if we could see those who offend us as human beings, rather than a uniform, a monster etc. We are all men, created by Almighty God. And much like WWI, there were clear differences, and to most, good reason to fight, but for one night it changed when they were reminded of their shared humanity. Let’s let our No Man’s Land be a place to remember each others humanity, not a place to kill.

Oh, and do yourself a favor and watch the movie.

Thank you, Sir Isaac Newton

I think it is good to go back and read things that we've (I've) written in the past. And while the following was in the recent past, and even seems to me a little strange and confusing, it still stirs up new thoughts. Dear reader: pardon it's occasional gaps in reasoning. Forgive me and my mind of it's greater ability to intake information rather than more effectively sorting what is already there.

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I was sitting at a stoplight returning from my short daily adventure that most of us call a lunch break. To my left was a marquee with a long list of 12 films enjoying their few weeks in the spotlight before something with better graphics, or an even more dramatic love story comes along to take it’s place. To my right there was a family of four enjoying the afternoon California sun and the rare chilly breeze that comes once in a blue moon here in Orange County. The young girl caught my eye. She walked further ahead than her father, mother, and brother and couldn’t have been older than 7. She was wearing a cream colored long-sleeved t-shirt underneath a furry vest and tights. Over the tights was a floral print skirt that seemed to enjoy the wind more than the brown curls that framed her young face.

I must have sat through two lights because it seemed as if I had all the time in the world to consider this little girl. She seemed to be mesmerized by the way that her skirt bounced off of her knee with every step she took. She began to exaggerate each step just to see what the skirt would do. I imagine her posing a question that you’d find in a modern children’s book that attempts to teach a child the basics of physics when a sweet young girl, such as my new little friend, asks why her skirt seems to react to the force of her little knee.

Sir Isaac Newton’s third law of motion explains that with every action, an equal and opposite reaction is sure to follow. Understanding this principle we can assume that without action, there can be no reaction for the initial action must always occur first.

It seems strange to me, being the non-science/mathematical brain that I am, that I would use a chief principle of physics and groundbreaking science in the 17th century to describe the state of life that I am in currently, and more likely this life as a whole. Thank you Isaac Newton for pointing out to us that with every action, a reaction is inevitable.

I went for a drive last night. It seemed much darker than normal in the ever-busy and crowded area where I live; there wasn’t a single set of headlights in my rear view mirror and all I saw was the night sky up ahead. After arriving at my destination I put my car in park, zipped up my coat and headed out in the misty darkness. As I stood looking out over the thousands and thousands of little lights off in the distance, I could not help but consider my small stature atop this large hill.

I considered the long harbored issues and bitter reactions within families. I heard the complaints of a young woman who resigned herself to mediocrity and unhappiness. I saw the tears rolling off of a mature cheek of one experiencing the grief of losing a loved one after the line was drawn. I felt my own fear of inadequacy – in a career, in my studies, and most evidently in relationships. There is something about having a mind full of thoughts that seems to send the reactions of my senses in the other direction. I must have been cold, and yet I felt nothing. I thought of the sonogram that I wake up to every morning that tells in me in 6 ½ months I will be an Aunt and another life will breathe it’s first breath.

Newton meant what he said about every action is followed by a reaction. I’ve seen it – in the good as much as in the bad. Perhaps it is the previously explained experiences and many others that have taught me to hold my tongue in most situations. I think the real issue is when to say what must be said, understanding that the reactions may not always grant me the result that I had hoped for.

As with most of my trains of thought, I end up back where it began - to that little girl on the sidewalk testing the reaction of her little skirt. Oh I wished that was the only thing that consumed my momentary thought! From that childish wish my mind could only resonate with one thing: I must hold fast to the promise that all created things will sing praises unto the God and Creator of all. I will trust that my prayers are heard and answered by the One who holds every inch of my small life in the palm of His hand. He has my best interest at heart and can ultimately do no more than He already has - given the life of His son so that the flawless Love of God would bridge the great chasm between man and Himself. My realization of the imperfect love in relationships, and my own inadequacies only point to a longing for eternity in the presence of God, and the hope of the continued transformation until the day that He returns.

As far as blogging goes...

I fail at consistency. For a time I have found myself in a season of life like none other that I have traveled through. I'm creating new paths to corners of my mind that I never knew existed.

While I have began countless number of blogs, there have been none I've been sure enough of to post. Sometimes we must write to be rid of and not necessarily to share with this wonderful cyber world - or so at least that is the conclusion I have come to.

One thing I know: I am more human today than I was yesterday. Never have I felt pain in such a profound way, and never have I been able to love as honestly as I can today. And while none of these things come naturally, and each continues to cost much energy, thought and even some tears, there is nothing more humbling, and nothing more freeing that to intensely understand my humanity in it's fallen state. Amidst every hole, every hurt and every broken or suffering relationship, is the ever-present Grace of an all-holy and ever-present God.

"Glory to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit: now and ever unto ages of ages. Amen."

Thoughts about the Termites of the Soul

I wonder how much of myself I will still be in 10 years – in 20 years. While there are numerous things I long to be rid of in my life – I pray that I would never loose the sense of awareness that I have today. Perhaps it is because my mind is in a constant state of being molded and stretched – in hopes of its total transformation. Perhaps it is because I feel like I am in no ‘state’ of life at all – at least not like others seem to be (married, a mother, a child), and am therefore capable of viewing life through a totally different lens – if any lens at all. If it is naiveté - I would hope that even that would continue. I would rather be naïve enough to think that people can change then too stubborn to make the effort to do so.

While I find myself at the beginning of so many journey’s – recognizing every fault, shortcoming and struggle that I bring to the table – I hope that in 10 years I will still face those faults, shortcomings and struggles with a pliable mind and heart – and Lord willing, having realized I had made it a few more miles down the road.

Fr. Josiah at St. Andrews in Riverside, CA mentioned a man who said that while so many pray to ‘see God,’ he prayed that he would ‘see his sins’. Weeks later I cannot remove this idea from my head. Talk about transforming your life. I believe that the reason why so many are stuck in their pursuit of everything earthly is that they are unaware of their sins – and the very seriousness of the power to destroy that they carry. This is, of course, why we seem to find so many people make poor lifestyle choices and then claim to feel empty, in a state of despair or even worse still – purposeless or hopeless. It is imperative that we see sin in the right light – in other words: that we would see and be aware of every inch of it. How could we go about removing it from our lives if we never sought to see it in the first place?

In real estate there is always a termite inspection for homes, after which work must be completed in order to close escrow. I find it to be a perfect analogy. We can see the damage of the termites – sometimes it is even visible on the exterior of the structure. However, we rarely see the termites themselves without a hunt. We must go underneath the house, lift planks of wood etc. Then we find the problem that can be corrected.

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The same is true for our sin.

All that just to say that the idea of posing God with the request of revealing sin, revealing my sin, changes things. Most importantly, it bears with it humility. We can finally have an accurate view of ourselves. We will see our fallen state, our sinful nature in the light of the Cross of Christ. Change follows. I know that personally I am more apt to work on those things that I am familiar with as opposed to those that are foreign concepts. Uncertainty regarding sin fades, and the work begins. There was definitely a reason that there was sent to us a Helper [Holy Spirit] at Pentecost – in case there was any doubt.

“O heavenly King, O Comforter, the Spirit of truth, who art in all places and fillest all things; Treasury of good things and Giver of life: Come and dwell in us and cleanse us from every stain, and save our souls, O gracious Lord.”

May we never forget such things, and may we never grow too old to have both pliable minds and hearts.